I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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