Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
