Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
