i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
