i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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