I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am available for nakedness
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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