My underwear smells like fireworks.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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