I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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