You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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