We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
