I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm way too hungover for life right now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
