The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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