So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
PANTIES FOUND
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
