Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
