after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
