I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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