Please, let me fuck your mom
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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