WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
