Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
