More tranny stories later!
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
