I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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