i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
