then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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