I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
