Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
