we have officially lost it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
