so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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