im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
