can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
