I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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