u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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