Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
