he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
