you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
