well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
