Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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