I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
