New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
