I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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