How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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