That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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