I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
