You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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