Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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