Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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