OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
