Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
