you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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