i think my tv is drunk
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize