i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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