Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize