If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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