ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
