dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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