He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My vagina is officially offended.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
