I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
