i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
