Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
