I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
