Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
