don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
