Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
