I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
